How Inappropriate Can Television Possibly Get?

Not nearly as much as you'd think without Adam Corolla. Still, I thought the whole set of DWTS was trying to outdo him. If only they knew it would never happen....

Anyway, back by request is an in depth (except not) analysis of Dancing With the Stars. This week I will include random things I notice along with the quasi recaps you've come to know and love. Ready?

If this were Iron Chef America, this episode would be called Battle Latin. Seriously, ask Ted Allen (his blog is high quality, fyi). The dances tonight are the Samba or the Rumba. Oh, and the women are probably just going to be wearing bikinis. No joke.

Mario & Karina:
I still don't like them very much, but I missed the beginning of this episode so all I know is that they got a 27 and danced to A-Tisket A-Tasket which, by the way, is one of my favorite Ella Fitzgerald songs. Moving on...

Priscilla & Louis: 21
Louis has a very wide and square jaw. Also, a strangely shaped head. And that, my friends was the most interesting thing concerning this couple. An overall boring dance, bad song choice and harsh judging, except for the part when Bruno said, "You're available, but reassuringly expensive." Len kinda went overboard with the Mr. Grumpy Gills comments, but that's to be expected.

Marissa & Tony: 24
I felt that Marissa and Tony were breakin' it down a *little* too much, what with the gyrating every, oh 2.3 seconds. Stop shaking and DANCE already. I was a tad annoyed. Also they had probably the weirdest music choice yet, which is quite a feat since they ALWAYS have the weirdest music choice. I don't think of "Tambourine" when I think of Brazil. I think of Brazil when I think of Brazil and, fittingly, Samba music WITH A SAMBA.
Also: Tony is the most Ken-looking dancer. If only his hair was a tad lighter...

Christian & Cheryl: 23
Cheryl appears to be wearing nothing but sparkles, and it's because of her flesh toned bikini con skirt. Normally, the band does a really good job, especially with the crap songs they have to play. "If You're Not the One" is not something they should EVER play again. Seriously. It was terrible. Oh and CA said erotic about 5 too many times. Not cool.


Wow, it's already 7:46...


Marlee & Fabian: 22
Most interesting rehearsal week yet. This was the first week they actually got frustrated with each other during rehearsal, because of communication issues, but they're pros and got through it. Fitting music, but it was pretty obvious that they were off a few times with steps. Of all the couples, they seemed the most into it and having fun, but this was not their best dance.
The judges were weird with Marlee this week. So far they've only mentioned that she's deaf before going on to tell her to work on her arm position like any of the other dancers, but this week they decided to make a HUGE deal about how amazing it is that she can dance without hearing the music. They know she can do this. They saw her Viennese waltz last week. It made Carrie Ann cry. I'm kinda pissed that they tiptoed around her - it's not like they don't know how to criticize someone.

Kristi & Mark: 29
They also had an interesting rehearsal week. Kristi's family came to watch her practice and her daughters were wearing matching dresses. While I realize it was probably staged, it still was cute. Also, they literally didn't stop twirling in the studio which was probably the most adorable thing I've ever seen. Her husband was hilarious and made a high quality joke about her getting into it with Mark. Ok, that sentence was bad, but that was the point, wasn't it?
I truly thought this was a perfect 30 week before I saw how low the judges were scoring everyone. Still they got 29 and the 9 was from CA. Scandal! They also had a good song choice and lilac is truly a good color for both of them, but Mark was wearing purple shoes. Oh yes.

Shannon & Derek: 23
Things we learned this week about S&D: They're totally hooking up.
Also, Derek wore a baseball hat sideways in practice and he got food poisoning and almost DIED (ok, no) but he did almost miss the rehearsal. What will go wrong next?

This isn't to say there was no real entertainment from this part of the show. The best quote from Tom and the second best quote from Bruno came from this segment:

From Bruno: "Shake those maracas!" Yes, it most definitely is a euphemism.

And from Tom: "How do you get spray tan off a suit? Samantha?" Thank you, God.


And finally, the bane of my existence...

Jason and Edyta: 27

First of all, Jason Taylor looks like Xerxes from The 300, and second of all he was wearing a sweater and white shoes. If he got voted off, I would be fine with it. But he won't. Because America loves their balds. Nothing was that special about their dance, Edyta did these weird pose things at the end that didn't add anything to the dance and which Len totally slammed them for (Yay Len!).

And then CA said something I shall never forget.
"These weird sounds keep coming out of me tonight."

THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID.


And with this, dear friends, I bid you goodnight. As for who will go home, I'm guessing Priscilla or Marissa, but I'm sure I'll blog about that, James Blunt and whoever gets the encore (it better be Kristi and Mark or I'll probably cry) tomorrow.