July 27, 2008

Gather Round!

Today, friends, I have only a few stories to share. I had very little to do with any of them - I was merely present when they occurred.


I work in an office with people that are all at least 20 years older than me. A few weeks ago two of them began a conversation during which I found myself wishing simultaneously they would continue and immediately stop.

It began when Sara saw an advertisement for a local drive-in and said, "Oh, I've always loved those drive-ins. They're so much fun!"

Me: "Oh yeah I've been to that one. My friend won a t-shirt."
Sara: "Really? That sounds so fun. I should try to go sometime this summer."
Dean, on the other side of the office: "I bet I know why YOU liked them, Sara. And it has nothing to do with movies...."
Sara: "What?! No, no...."
Dean: "Oh come on, a drive-in with some hot young guy."
Sara (ignoring Dean): "I just always liked the atmosphere. Oh, and they always had those great advertisements. You know, the dancing hot dog -
Dean: "HAHAHA....Yeah the dancing hot dog...
Sara: "And the clever jingles."
Dean: "....JUMPING into the bun."
Me (silently): "Gross.........but...that's what she said. "

Dean continued to make jokes then began muttering too quietly to hear. I was severely grossed out, shaking with laughter and very grateful for my cubicle wall.


Recently I have been preparing for the upcoming semester and moving into an apartment. My roommates and I have been emailing about what we have, what we need etc. My Mom has been oddly fascinated with each response (some of which I haven't told her) and frankly quite hilarious with her own responses. To wit:

Earlier this week Mom and I were eating dinner, talking about what my roommates and I were planning to buy at the best store ever when we get to school in August. Then out of nowhere she says,

"I think you should go on and say, 'my Mom is into drugs...'"

Cut to me, practically falling off my chair DYING OF LAUGHTER.

"'....and she'd be willing to buy the first containers of toilet bowl cleaner and Ajax.'"

First of all, just the fact that my elementary school teacher Mother acknowledged the existence of homemade hallucinogenics is hilarious. Especially considering two advil is about her limit.
Secondly, she actually said she was into drugs. Secretly I have always wished for this, but I honestly never thought it would happen.

Then she told me about how during the year when there are speakers that come to her school to talk to kids there's a certain foundation that gives grants to some speakers as long as they mention staying away from drugs, alcohol and the like. She said you can always tell which ones are funded because they give their whole prepared spiel, about the given topic - teddy bears, financial independence - but at the very end they randomly throw in 2 minutes of anti-drug mumbo jumbo.

So she calls these (but only to her teaching partner, at least so far) the drug money speakers.

Yes. That would be my mom.


Finally, a story involving someone I am proud to call my friend.

Thursday night a few of my friends got together for our weekly game of Ultimate Frisbee. Unfortunately, there weren't enough people to actually play, so we played soccer and just stood around. Then Tarabull sort of smacked one of my other friends, Nirem (who had only gotten 3 hours of sleep the night before) who subsequently flopped on the ground. The other five of us just kind of laughed and kept talking. Then Chels suggested we go over to the shore and put our feet in the water. Everyone started walking toward the water, ignoring Nirem, still lying on the ground. Except me, that is.

She had her eyes closed and didn't respond when I said her name. Naturally, I assumed she was pretending to be asleep just to spite me. She didn't move.

"Nirem?" I poked her shoulder. Several times.

"What- Where are we?" Half sitting up, she glanced around. She indeed had fallen asleep. On the wet grass. With five people standing around and talking. In about 2 minutes.

"You really fell asleep? Didn't you hear us talking?"

"Um, a little I guess."


This was a first. She woke up, almost completely, then we decided to hide from the rest of the group across the street from Nirem's car behind some bushes.

Needless to say we were successful.

July 12, 2008

Does Anyone Have a Kleenex?

A while ago, I'm not sure how long exactly, I was at a friend's house and I used some of her body spray. Let me just state that I am not a particularly picky person when it comes to scents - I know what I like, but my likeness range encompasses more than Clinique Happy. This one, however, was a doozy.

It smelled like sneeze.

Keep in mind that I totally know that this is disgusting.

You know when you have a really big sneeze and you invariably have to inhale afterwards - you get this little whiff of snot filled air - that was exactly the scent of this god awful body spray. It made me gag a little.

Since then, I have been ridiculed many times by my friends because of my opinions of said body spray, so generally I have quieted any sentiments concerning sneezes or their smell.

Fast forward to last night. My parents and I went for dinner at a local pizza place. It's a pretty generic family restaurant with a bunch of pizzas and sub sandwiches on the menu. In the restaurant there are several video games, a bouncy ball machine, and two of those prize machines you can win webkinz or key chains from. The key chain/worthless crap machine had this little loop theme song that would come on about every two minutes, and of course we were sitting right next to it.

As I was listening to the irritatingly mechanic jingle, I heard a strange sound at the end and couldn't quite tell what it was. Then I got it.

"It sounds like someone is sneezing during this song!"

It really did - I'm not making it up. There was a prolonged "chh" sound, exactly like when you have a really big sneeze. It was rather disgusting and frighteningly realistic. I didn't go into the specifics with my parents sitting there, about to eat dinner, but you get the picture.

Needless to say, my parents were a bit doubtful. I sensed a rather strong "Um...okay" unspoken response from both, but as in the case of the sneezetastic body spray, I knew the truth and would not yield to dissent, dammit.

"Just listen. You'll hear it."

A few moments later my Dad confirmed my belief and boosted my confidence. But were we both just crazy? Why would a stupid video game jingle have a sneeze in it?? My Mom hadn't heard it yet, and I needed a third party's opinion.

The song came on again.

"Ok, listen. Here it comes, after this part.....ok. Wait, here it, no that wasn't.....Ok here it is. Right. Right now!"


Victory. Victory is mine.