March 25, 2009

In Which I Make Fun of Commercials

Woman: "I had a heart attack and thank God..."
I think the commercial should just stop there.

Commercial for Toffee (I kid you not.)
Owner: "We decided to make a business about my mother's toffee."

Steps for making such a business:
1. Put toffee on plate
2. Place plate on table along side of road
3. Put up a giant TOFFEE sign
4. Include an arrow of some kind pointing to said toffee (optional)


Beneful Dog Food
This guy is obnoxious and I don't trust him to even pretend to take care of a dog.

Ok, switching to TLC.
Holy Cats!! It's an old episode of Jon & Kate Plus Eight.

New Monsters Movie
Basically just Monster's Inc, but less funny and with jelly monsters instead of furry ones.
Subtext? LAME. Don't mess with Pixar, kids.

WTF. Where's Waldo, but with a blue penguin.
OH and it's timed. I don't understand.

This still exists? I thought everyone had cell phones. Also, these commercials used to be good.

Oh William Shatner. You're only doing these to make people feel pity for you, right? Well, it does work...

I really liked this actor in Far From Heaven. I wonder how he feels about the fact that his career is an almost insurance salesman, instead of you know, an actor or something. Hmm....

Who seriously has white carpet? Grandparents? Sure. Rich people? Always. Dog watchers? NEVER.

Peppridge farm
You know, their cookies aren't really that good. They're dry and ruin your tea. I do not approve. And why are they bragging about cookies made in the "European Tradition"? Isn't it an American company? Maybe Europeans do the advertising??
Or is it supposed to be exotic? Does that work for other things? Porta-potties in the European Tradition. Not so much.

TLC commercials
I dont' know how I feel about Little People Big World. It's a little strange, no? That is my only comment.

This 18 kids show seriously freaks me out. I don't even have kids, and I feel pain when I think about that amount of labor.

What is Say Yes to the Dress? Who would participate in such a thing? It should just be called, shitty reality TV in which everyone looks equally terrible and everyone's name should end in zilla.

That looks like a Subaru. Which would probably work and last longer.

Scrubbing bubbles
The sound is messed up. It's a split screen with 2 women and on one side you can barely hear the sound. Which kind of defeats the purpose of an ADVERTISEMENT. Way to FAIL.

They have used the same spreading footage with the peanut butter being spread over the peanuts for the last 10 years. At least.
Also, no bread ever baked could hold up that much peanut product. And who would eat that? Protein overload!!