September 6, 2009

Food Poisoning? Dehydration? Karma?? The choice is YOURS!!

I meant to publish this blog post looong ago, but didn't. (See FAILURE in dictionary, and OH LOOK, my picture!) Anyway, here's the whole messy story a little bit late, and a lot more edited.
Sometimes vomiting is a great solution to your problems.

If, for example, you need to get out of going to an event or gathering you could say you're not feeling well, or that you had vomited earlier in the day and wouldn't want to spread whatever you have and then be all "Aw shucks, sickness! No awkward social situations for me until next year!"

Or! If you find you're using the "Oh, I need to wash my hair" line a bit too much (though, does anyone actually do that? Does it actually work??), you could switch it up with "I have to..." and scurry toward the bathroom.

Vomiting solves many a problem, is what I'm saying. Other times, however, it just sucks. Though I suppose "blows" might be more accurate.

In June my sister got married. I was very excited about this. I bought a kick ass dress, awesome shoes, got a haircut and flew to Virginia. I arrived and made plans with people to go into DC and play cards in the lobby and go to breakfast.

Then Friday came. And I got sick. The first time I threw up (should I have mentioned at the beginning that queasy people should not read this? Oops. Sorry about that.) it was at the beginning of a tour of a Civil War battlefield.
Yeah. We're THAT kind of family.

Anyway, suddenly I felt nauseated and ran inside to the bathroom. Enter the first happening of what shall henceforth be known as The Deed. Then, I felt...fine.

Like an idiot, I reasoned that this was as bad as it would be. I thought that I must have been dehydrated and over tired from my flight or the previous day of EPIC sightseeing.

So I went about my day, feeling just fine until an hour after lunch when The Deed happened again. I pretty much made it to the bathroom this time. Thanks garbage can! About 15 minutes later, oh Hi Deed, back again I see!

Oh, and did I mention, Deed 2.0 and 3.0 were in public? And more specifically, at a nail salon?

Well, they were.

After that, aside from royally embarrassed FOREVER, I was pretty much spent. The rest of the day I was in bed nursing a fever and some gatorade (one guess as to how THAT went). Amazingly, I was sort of okay the next day and was at the wedding and reception, THANK GOD. I lived on cheerios, the aforementioned gatorade and hope for the next 2 days. Heart healthy like you wouldn't believe. But that's another story entirely.

I feel like I should have learned something from this. Like maybe there should be background music and a Very Important Lesson to be learned and discussed, just like on Full House when Michelle learns the value of sharing or the atrocity of theft or whatever crap Danny is slinging her way. I mean really, we all know stealing is the only way to get yours.

Anyway, not to be a bad capitalist, but I just don't see it. People get sick, life happens (and clichés abound, apparently). All I can to is remember the good things, laugh off everything else and toast to the happy couple.

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